


Cosmic Irony

by jackie_01



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Accidental Marriage, F/M, Fluff, Force Bond (Star Wars), Forced Marriage, Humor, Or cake, Romance, Sith Weddings are the worst, They don't even have a reception, my attempt at trying to write
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-07-14 11:53:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7169981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jackie_01/pseuds/jackie_01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Being someone's wife isn't a concept Rey can easily wrap her head around. Being someone's <i>anything</i> is hard enough, especially when it concerns Kylo Ren.</i> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p>After a series of mishaps during a mission, Rey finds herself accidentally married to Kylo Ren. </p>
<p>Some would say it's a curse, being married to your arch enemy. Others might call it Fate. Rey just thinks the Universe hates her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cosmic Irony

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Wedding Bells](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5498426) by [whythokylo (OpalElephant)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OpalElephant/pseuds/whythokylo). 



 

Rey thinks she's cursed.

  
  
She wondered if the Universe had it out for her.

  
  
The past few hours were certainly a testament to that.

  
  
Now, Rey was no stranger to bad luck. Jakku was full of struggles and disappointments and waiting. She'd resigned herself to the possibility of the rest of her days being anything but. Until the Universe decided to finally throw her a bone and her life since her fateful meeting with a tiny, round droid and a defected Stormtrooper a year ago became a whirlwind of moments – both good and not-so-good experiences – she wouldn't trade for anything.

  
  
But this was just ridiculous.

  
  
As she fled from the ancient Sith Temple in the dead of night – a screaming, panicked Finn right behind her with Knights of Ren and Stormtroopers blasting after them to stop – she wondered if the Universe tossed her some luck just to throw her life into a turbo-blender later on.

  
  
Her lungs screamed for oxygen as she headed in the direction of their concealed freighter. Finn somehow managed alternating between taking pot shots with his blaster at Stormtroopers and Knights, _avoiding_ getting blasted back and yelling into his wrist communicator for Poe to _get the ship started, like now and I mean RIGHT NOW._

  
  
Rey doesn't know what's worse: the fact that she was currently _getting shot at,_ Threepio's so-called “revered” intelligence gathering actually _stinking_ like a rotting Tauntaun carcass or that she vehemently loathes the black, floor-length wedding gown she's trying her best not to trip over.

  
  
She doesn't know how they make it to their ship with all of their limbs, but they do. She thanked whatever star or higher being or frickin' Force phantom watching over her and Finn's hides as they scrambled aboard their getaway ship, yelling at Poe to _stick it and just hurry the fuck up, we'll explain later WHY we suck at espionage_ and blast out of the planet's atmosphere, leaving the Sith Temple and First Order behind as TIE fighters try – and fail – to keep up before they make their escape into hyperspace.

  
  
When the coast is clear, Rey visibly sagged in her co-pilot seat.

  
  
She's aware of Finn's scolding and Poe's questioning about what exactly happened in the Sith Temple, but is much too exhausted to try and argue her case. It really wasn't _entirely_ her fault. If anything, Threepio held a majority of the blame for his piss-poor sourcing and failing to double-check.

  
  
She knew Finn would be more than happy to fill the baffled pilot in on the evening's events – and scream her ear off about how one _accidentally_ gets married to one of the most feared men in the entire galaxy.

  
  
As her mind finally came down from her adrenaline rush to replay the night's events in her head, Rey tried – and failed – to wrap her mind around the concept that, accident or not, she's married.

  
  
Married.

  
  
_Married._

  
  
_She's someone's wife_.

  
  
And not just anyone's wife.

  
  
Her enemy.

  
  
Kylo frickin' Ren.

  
  
Because why wouldn't the Universe make sure she married her enemy just to spite her?

  
  
Rey groaned.

  
  
Yup. The Universe hated her.

 

~*~

 

**Thirteen Hours Earlier  
**  
~*~

  
_The mission was simple._

  
  
_Threepio's informant within the First Order passed over intel based on hushed whispers of an alleged “top secret meeting” being arranged on an unknown, backwater planet at some old Sith Temple. Apparently all the important generals and commanders within the First Order would be there. Kylo Ren was apparently not going to attend, sources saying he was in the Outer Rim on First Order business. Rey was thankful for that._

  
  
_The mission objective was simple: infiltrate the Sith Temple and gather any information regarding the First Order's next move, get out before being discovered._

  
  
_Simple enough._

  
  
_At least Rey thought so, Finn needed more convincing._

  
  
_The two had slipped in through a tower window and decided on splitting up in search of disguises._

  
  
_“We'll meet back here in a few hours,” Finn sets their chronometers as Rey checked around the empty study, finding nothing particularly useful. “Try to be inconspicuous.”_

  
  
_She turned to him and made a face. “What's that supposed to mean?”_

  
  
_"It means you have a habit of being conspicuous when we need to be inconspicuous.”_

  
  
_“Name one-”_

  
  
_Finn stared her down. “I can name several.”_

  
  
_Rey sniffed and chose to let his little remark slide. They did have a mission to accomplish, after all._

  
  
_And she could always pay him back later._

  
  
_Rey closed her eyes and reached out into the Force. Her training with Luke really did come in handy with these stealth missions. Her skills weren't as advanced as her master's, but she was able to sense the corridor outside the room was empty and there were quite a handful of people roaming about a level below them. Rey was confident she could handle a few, if it came down to a fight, but Finn was right. Better not cause a scene._

  
  
_Two slipped out of the room and, after a brief nod to each other, Finn took off down the opposite corridor._

  
  
_The first hour of searching proved unhelpful. Rey searched several rooms but found nothing of value to the Resistance. However, there were things she'd love to poke around more if she had the time: large scrolls written in a language she didn't understand, amulets that emitted sinister energy, skulls (Rey didn't want to think about how they were obtained and who they once belonged to)._

  
  
_Rey had a few near run-ins with hooded figures rushing about, managing to catch only bits and pieces of their passing conversations. Something about “the ceremony is going to commence” and “everyone is taking their places”._

  
  
_She needed to hurry if she wanted to make that._

  
  
_After more searching and coming up empty-handed – she cursed the stuffy old Sith Temple for being so damn big but having nothing worth taking – Rey finally stumbled across something somewhat promising: an elaborate dressing room._

  
  
_What she **didn't** count on was coming face-to-face with the blue-skinned alien woman in a dressing gown attacking her the minute she closed the door. _

  
  
_“Oh. Hi.” Rey mumbled._

  
  
_That was a dumb thing to say. And the angry-looking woman seemed to think so, too._

  
  
_She screeched at Rey in an alien language and threw a perfume bottle at her head._

  
  
_“Hey, hold on, lady-”_

  
  
_Rey wasn't sure if the woman understood what she was saying, or maybe she didn't care. She clawed at the air where Rey's face had been, hissing and spitting like an animal. The scavenger dodged the sloppy attacks with little effort, trying to keep her annoyance and anger under control. This crazy lady was going to blow her cover if she didn't stop making a commotion, but the last thing Rey wanted was to cause serious harm to her if she didn't need to._

  
  
_Rey tried to concentrate on the woman's mind to knock her unconscious with the Force, like Luke had taught her. However, her concentration went to shit as she rolled out of the trajectory of a vanity chair that (narrowly) missed her head._

  
  
_Now Rey was pissed._

  
  
_Rey **probably** used a tad too much of the Force when knocking the woman out but couldn't find it in herself to care (though in her defense, the damn woman nearly clawed her face off). She gagged and tied the woman up – a little too harshly – and quickly searched the room until she found the perfect disguise. A black elegant dress and heavy cloak hung in the wardrobe; it would cover every inch of her, if she kept the hood down low over her face and didn't look up._

  
  
_The woman wouldn't mind if Rey borrowed it. After all, she did try and kill her._

  
  
_Rey dressed quickly. Tucking her lightsaber hilt onto her thigh holster (she'd have to thank Poe for that later), she set about undoing her hair from it's trademark three-bun hairstyle and slipped on the dress. Once she was satisfied every inch of her tanned skin was invisible, she set about hiding any evidence of her being there or of any altercation._

 

_By the time Rey finished stuffing her tunic and trousers (and the knocked-out woman) into the wardrobe, she'd just pulled the hood down low on her face as three female figures entered the room._

 

_"Is Lady Melusine ready for the ceremony?” one asked._

  
_Crap, Rey panicked._

  
_Without uttering a word, Rey simply inclined her head. The women bowed and led her out of the room._

  
_They took Rey down a series of winding staircases and long passageways. She stumbled a few times because of the length of her gown – damn dress – and shrugged off any attempts to assist her. After what seemed like a lifetime of walking, they walked down a corridor barely lit with torches on the walls and stopped in front of a large set of elaborate stone doors. They opened with a grinding shriek that filled the corridor and made Rey's hair stand on end._

  
_She lifted her head slightly, hoping the poor lighting and shadows of the room hid her face well. The room resembled a chapel, with it's high ceiling, numerous rows and the same strange language she'd seen earlier carved into the walls. A strange place to hold a First Order meeting._

  
_The room was filled with hooded figures dressed in black. Rey felt like she was walking into a funeral._

  
_She certainly hoped she wasn't._

  
_Rey straightened her posture as the women led her to the front of the room where a toad-like old crone was waiting. Once she was standing in front of her, the ancient thing began to speak in that same language Rey couldn't keep up with let alone understand. Instead, she opened her connection to the Force and tried to find Finn. She could sense him, just barely, and she wasn't sure if that was a good thing or bad. There were about fifty Force signatures in the room with her, too many to take on at once, physically. But she liked a challenge._

  
_Rey tried not to jump out of her skin and reach for her lightsaber as the robed figures in the room moved about, forming a circle around her and the crone and got down on one knee. The old woman beckoned her, as if urging her to follow suit and Rey did so without complaint._

  
_The woman stopped talking and clapped her brittle hands once, the sound bouncing off the stone walls and echoing throughout the room._

  
_Suddenly, Rey felt a shift in the Force. She felt it in the back of her mind, like one would feel after waking up from a deep slumber. It was a faint sort of humming that slid over her subconsciousness like ghostly fingers, a feeling that both soothed and repulsed her because she only felt this way when –_

  
_The stone doors opened once again, and the room went quiet._

  
_The Force signature that had just entered the room pulsed around her, and she immediately tried to shrink back from the sheer strength of it. **He** had always overwhelmed her with his chaotic emotions projected through the Force._

  
_Rey kept her eyes glued to the floor, she couldn't concentrate on anything else but the sound of her heart drumming in her ears. A million questions ran through her head, the most common one being “How the hell am I going to get out of here?”._

  
_More importantly, why the hell was **he** here?!_

  
_Rey became acutely aware of someone standing in front of her when a pair of familiar black boots stepped into her line of vision. **He** got down on one knee and she felt the wind punched out of her lungs. The crone rasped something to **him**  and in that deep, unforgettable baritone of his, he responded with “I do”. She hummed and a clap resonated across the room, daunting and final._

_  
"Then you may kiss your bride."_

  
_… wait._

  
_Suddenly, the hood hiding her face was lifted and her heart stopped._

  
**Please don't be him. Please don't be him. Be anyone but him.**

  
_Wishful thinking, really._

  
_Swallowing the lump in her throat, Rey sucked in a deep breath and willed herself to look up._

  
_Rey could only imagine how utterly ridiculous she looked, open-mouthed and wide-eyed, when she came face-to-face with Kylo Ren._

  
_She was going to dismantle Threepio the next time she saw him._

 

 

**Author's Note:**

>  **kink prompt** : _"Kylo Ren/Rey, forced/accidental marriage"_
> 
> I've seen this prompt floating around in the Reylo tag and had to do one of my own!
> 
> \----
> 
> Hello, and welcome to my first Reylo fic! Been working on this for a a few months now and finally got around to finishing and posting it. I thank the lovely Perry_Downing for that, her stories "He Knows He Needs To Stop" and her latest "Thwarted" were a real inspiration to get me to finish. Thank you, my dear!
> 
> This was originally meant to be a one-shot but I ended up splitting it into 2 more chapters. Might end up posting more chapters or other standalone one-shots to accompany depending on how well this goes!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!!


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